It seems a little lonely here on Ajax Rock today. I dreamed about Mom and Dad last night and woke up this morning afraid that I will forget the sound of their voices. Time is supposed to heal all things, but there are things I don't want time to take away.If the rock is our anchor, then we are bound to stay connected, but, like Dad, I look around and don't see anybody. Our separate lives seem to consume us in a way that makes it hard to overcome distance.
It's time for new life to spring up through the dead leaves, and I wonder if any other children play outside in our old neighborhood, and if they do, do they sit on Ajax Rock and see the world from there?
It may take a while for me to do my spring cleaning, to rake out the old leaves and plant hope in the warming earth. I'd like to come out of hibernation from this long winter, but I can't seem to shake it. So I'll continue to reflect -- and pray that new life springs up in me and in all of us.
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Telling my other story brought me slightly out of my complete stupor this morning, but I'm exhausted and depleted, and miss Mom and Dad, too. I need their wisdom today. I keep thinking about how many times, when we'd talk about selling the motel, Mom would say, "But what would you DO?" Oh, has that been THE question. Wise, wise, wise. It may be that she and Dad were wiser than the 5 of us all put together.
Thankfully, I can still hear their voices. I don't EVER want to lose that, either!
I've been down since the deaths of Mom and Dad; but you two sisters have awakened me somewhat with today's musings! Neither Mom nor Dad want us to remember them with sadness, but remember all the happy times, and pass them on to our children and grandchildren! Yes, winter hibernation will be over soon, and spring will bloom again; and we all will be as strong as our parents and go on as they are telling us to do. We will always see and hear them in every move we make; and we will be better for it :)
As I sit here listening to the soft rain, I feel that everything is going to be OK!
One thing I forgot to mention about Mom and Dad and Springtime. Don and I scattered 10 packs of wildflower seeds on their grave, covering them with leavers to keep them protected until the Spring! Our first order of the day will be to make our trip to Hilltop to check on them :)
Oh, thank you - for the seeds scattered and taking a minute to give us some encouragement. If you feel everything is going to be OK, I feel better! I guess I have been feeling scared.
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