Country mouse goes to the city

Kick off the grass-stained shoes, pack up the fancy duds, sneak in a few packs of weeds and a carton of diet Coke and head to the so-called "Big Apple." This country mouse is going undercover into the heart of Manhattan to do a sociological experiment on what makes the spending class tick.

On Friday I'll be in a room something like this one in "the Pierre" on Fifth Avenue and Central Park, more as an observer than a participant at an event. I'll sneak my digital camera into my purse and bring back photos of some of the things the media don't show you, like just where do people in a city that's gone smoke-free go to take their drags, and where can you buy a diet Coke for under five bucks, where do people take their dogs to do their business, and do they really scoop -- or just pretend to?

The highlight will be time spent with Jennefer in her Bronx apartment, where she's promised I'll finally see her without makeup and her hair in spongy, pink curlers. And we're going to a place called City Island that looks like an actual beach town, and I'll get to meet her lifelong best friend Laura. Maybe there will be time for the Botanical Gardens in the Bronx and a good, old-fashioned gabfest with the girls.

My fearless prediction for the Pajama Program Annual Charity Luncheon (at which they expect to raise the "modest" sum of $200,000) is that the "Father of the Year" award-winner, Al Roker, will discover me and give me my 15 minutes of fame that I so richly deserve. He might even invite me to make a guest appearance on "Today" so that I can wave at all of you "little people" out there.

Whaddya' say, Al? Have I got what it takes?