Below, LoPo makes gravy for the Thanksgiving bird.
Right, Loie shows her real feelings, pictured with Daddy at Alison's wedding.
My sister Lois is two people, one blithely stirring her gravy and looking like she's got it all together, in charge -- everything under control. And then there's Loie, above right, who is just feeling overwhelmed with love for Daddy and with relief at being with all of us at the wedding. Isn't she beautiful?
She's a study in contradictions, a woman of grand schemes and chutzpah who will drive a jeep over rugged terrain in Guatemala without batting an eye, a woman who is formidable in the way she attacks a problem, a fearless female who could have managed the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina better than the entire Bush administration did. But the other Loie is the little girl who was excited about her fourth birthday party until everyone showed up, then cried and wanted them to just go home already. She's brave and fearless, but it would be nice if someone would take care of her once in a while.
When Lois married Walt twenty-some years ago, I don't think she was at all daunted by the fact that he is a quadriplegic. No problemo. Nor does she ever pamper him or pity him. I remember talking to her on the phone once, and Walt kept interrupting us because he needed something, whereupon she told him if he couldn't wait, he could get up and get it himself. I loved it! He may try her patience, but it's emphatically not because he's handicapped: It's because he's a man, and that's what men do.
Without my sister, I would have been lost among the knees and feet of all the big people in the family. It was thoughtful of Mom and Dad to have her just 13 months before I was born, so that I would have a best friend and partner in crime in life. She was there to hold my hand and play with me, day after day. When birthdays came, neither of us wanted a present unless the other got one, too. Mom even kept her from attending kindergarten so that she could stay home to play with me. Think of what she missed out on for my sake! She was bold when I was shy. She danced in front of the TV when I would have been mortified to do the same. She craved adventure and took me along for the ride.
And even though our teen-age and young-married years weren't so rosy, I think we were just pushing for some separation between "Loisandnancy," struggling to forge our own identities. For a while we forgot that sisters are more powerful together than apart.
My sister is much more practical than I am, helping me solve problems without putting my head in the oven, and I can listen to her big ideas and help her see where they 'll lead her, which isn't always where she wants to go. She was prettier and more popular than I was in school, so I hogged my friends to balance the scale. And she has a head for business, making me -- and our dad -- proud of the way she managed the Pelican Post Motel for over twenty years, finding solutions to one daunting task after another, starting a Web page before most people knew what one was. My sister is a force of nature, but sometimes she gets a tiger by the tail, and she needs a little TLC when the tiger claws her.
I sometimes wonder if, without e-mails, the Internet and now this blog, we would have been able to make up for lost time, for those years when we let our pride get in the way of reuniting. I hope we would have found a way to reclaim our childhood, walking hand-in-hand around the neighborhood, watching over each other. I like to think that we would have forded raging rivers, driven thousands of miles, walked on scorching sand just to be together again. If we hadn't, though, our spirits would have found each other, one way or the other. Dad always insisted that my sissy was my best friend, and we should know by now that "father knows best."
4 comments:
Yipes! ;) It's scary to be known so well by another person, but such a relief, too! One thousand of those kisses Dad made us give each other to make up! :) I love you my nannygoatsister. Thank you for looking after me, too.
You know, after reading about my two little sisters, I understand what a bond sisters can have when they are close in age. I grew up between two brothers, and things were not so easy for me. I was the one who took over when Mom started working-watching over my two little sisters, keeping them safe, entertaining them, helping them learn, and always making sure they dressed in style! It was my job to come home from school each day to do my assigned duties
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I was very fortunate to have many friends in school and have one friend, who has always been like a sister to me. She has always worried about me, taken care of me from afar, and has been as close as any sister my own age could be. She has been there for me, and to this day, over 50 years later is still here for me. Our bond will be forever.
I have not written this to complain or be cocky, I just want to let my sisters know how important their relationship is, and never forget what they have together. This was not available to me, and I see how wonderful it must have been for them.
I assume you mean Darla and thank God you have her because, yes, she loves you like a sister, minus the history of fights!! I know you drew a very different card from the one Nan and I got, and knowing that you were Mom's (and Dad's!) "true" daughter actually made it much harder on you because you were never out of their spotlight whereas Nan and I got to run around the edges, and under the knees of the rest of you, all the time with the security of having you there -- but not bossy-- reading to us, dressing us, and teaching us that it was fun to be to be girls. Mom told me once that she had thought she had her "family" with the three of you and wasn't particularly happy when she was pregnant with me, let alone Nan. Why does that not bother me? Because I felt wanted by YOU! You are my very special BIG sister! :)
Well, I am not sure Rita wanted us so much as that she made the best of being stuck with us and did all of the things a mother would do for us. On top of that, she never made me feel like she resented it at all. THAT made me feel loved, for sure.
During the years we were often at odds with each other, it was Rita who kept hoping we would overlook any differences and just love each other. And she was right. It is a very special relationship, almost like twins must have.
I think that Rita and Don and John had it harder than we did, Loie, because Mom and Dad expected more -- or at least something different -- from them. At the same time, each of them got more parental attention than we ever did. So in the end it balances out. Birth order is something we're stuck with, and each of us has tried to make the best of it. I, too, am so happy that Rita has Darla who can give her the kind of sisterly support we want to but can't for one reason or the other.
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