Maybe one of the reasons I've had such a hard time accepting Momma's death is that she was a woman who lived every moment in the present. If she worried about past mistakes, she didn't show it. She was always up-to-the-minute on everything that was going on around her. And while her body aged, she really didn't.It was different with Dad. He had run out of things to do, and that made it easier somehow to let him go.
But Mom was full of life. Corny as it may sound, she always bloomed where she was planted. She had plans when she died. She wasn't done with living. And maybe it has taken me the year since her death to appreciate fully that one fact about her. She made the best of whatever she had at the time.
Possibilities and "what-ifs" haunt me like Marley's ghost. Momma was made of stronger stuff than I am. She just went about the business of life and took the best from it. As much as she dreaded going to a nursing home, she knew when it was time. And then she put everything she had into making it be okay -- more than okay, actually. She made friends. She stayed busy. She learned as much about the staff and residents as she could and loved them the best she could.
This remarkable woman, Roena Elizabeth Shafer Simpkins, is my mother. It's hard to use the past tense when I talk about her. She may have left us a year ago, but she is still my mother -- a tough act to follow if there ever was one. I miss her.
6 comments:
She sounds like one hell of a woman. You're lucky to have had her for a mama.
I know you'll always miss her.
Thank you. I'm owe her so much.
I visited Ajax Rock today to write about our Mom because, after a year I also am having a hard time letting go, especially at this season of the year that Mom had all planned last year. I had taken her shopping to buy all her Christmas cards and she was looking forward to Christmas, as she always had. I am doing very little this year, and what I have done is for my wonderful Mother. I miss her so much.
Hears a little poem that is an expression of Mom.
" 'M ' is for the million things she gave me,
'O' means that's she's growing old,
'T' is for the tears she shed to save me,
'H' is for her heart of purest gold,
'E' is her eyes, with love-light shining,
'R' means right, and right she'll always be,
Put them all together, they spell 'MOTHER',
A Word that means the world to me."
I love you, Mom, and will forever have an empty place in my heart left by your abscence. May you and Dad now be together forever.
Oh, geez. I miss Mom sooooo much. Nanny, that was a wonderful description of her and I, too, don't like to think of her in the past tense. Actually, I usually don't. So many times I want to ask her advice or opinion and I find that I just go ahead and ask and can pretty much know what she would tell me.
Christmas was such a joyous time for us as children because of the love and effort she put into it. If I hadn't had her for a model to have taught me how to make it special, my kids might've had mud pies for Christmas.
I was remembering going Christmas shopping with her on Court Street, how she made sure all of us got just exactly what we wanted, even when money was tight. She always put us first and made everything special. And she made it look easy, didn't she? I think that's because she didn't complain. I can never ever fill her shoes, but she always taught by example, whereas Dad lectured us. I still feel like she is watching over us, recognizing how difficult things are but urging us to just keep going. Bless you, Momma.
I miss her too.
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